My 2023 Spring Obsessions
MONOCHROMATIC FASHION
Keep your mixed-matched patterns, your browns on blacks, your color-blocking nonsense. I want same on top of same on top of same. The other day, I stopped a senior citizen in a resale shop to tell her she was fucking amazing in her pink tank and pink pants, pink coat, pink boots, pink socks, GOD WHY DIDN’T I ASK TO TAKE HER PICTURE?! If spring 2023 has anything to offer me, it’s the chance to practice my monochromatic styling skills in colors other than black.
ABSURDITY
Remember that time a global pandemic killed millions across the globe, spinning the world into a blind panic and socially raping us of all human contact, political reasoning, and connection? Wouldn’t it be nice to bask in the absurd aftermath of that dark time? Wouldn’t it be a treat to be allowed to go mad, to laugh hysterically at the disarming, discombobulating, dehumanizing era we had to endure? Trust that the next few years of artmaking will be delivering on that supply and demand. Art reflects the attitude of the times, and right now, the times are crying, “We’ve gone crazy—let’s embrace it.” This spring, I am filling my to-watch/to-read/to-eat/to-wear lists with nothing but absurd, existential, batshit wtf goodness. Martin McDonagh, KINRGY workouts, CupcakKe lyrics, Mohu the spherical poodle, transparent socks, Lil Yachty’s Let’s Start Here album—
TARTE
Makeup is fuck-me-up expensive, which makes trust the most vital ingredient when it comes to selecting a product that works best for you. Tarte has become my most trusted makeup brand. While I cannot speak for their foundation—haven’t tried it—I can say that their Shape Tape concealer and new Sculpt Tape contour are perfection in a bottle (and slightly cheaper than Charlotte Tilbury’s contour wand of the same design). Their Tartelette palettes are fabulous, but specifically, the Amazonian Clay Matte Palette is THE best neutral eyeshadow palette I have ever owned. Come summer, trust that all my pigmented products will have been replaced by Tarte products.
SHORT STORIES > NOVELS
It’s not like I’m ever not obsessed with short stories. Still, I feel a stronger wind pulling me towards them this spring if anything for the economic benefits: they’re short (time saver), cheap (multiple stories per book, free online), and they tend to linger in the brain days after reading (more bang for your brain). I also love that I can attach a complete start-to-finish reading experience to a variety of 30-minute activities in my life. Soaking in a bathtub. Waiting in a carpool lane. Snuggling with my man before bed. Note: reading a short story together w/ your mate is basically the sexier, more intimate version of watching an episode of (fill in the blank) together before bed. I dare any heterosexual woman to listen to a tired, raspy man read a bedtime story to her and not generate a sauna in her pajama bottoms. This is why this was created, ladies.
PEAKY BLINDERS
Better late than never. Happy to report I now have an acute fear of being shot at any moment and Cillian Murphy now has VIP access to the darkest, most unhinged corners of my spank bank.
HONORABLE MENTION
Gen Z, spider crabs, perfume collections, Samantha Irby’s IG stories, Duolingo before bed, crawfish season, shoulder pads, supportive husbands, and basically every Viktor & Rolf couture show ever.
