My 2024 Spring Obsessions
Dickies Style WORK SHIRTS w/ Patches
Apparently, my coveralls obsession has graduated to work shirts with name patches. I’m at that sad age where I find myself romanticizing my old college wardrobe choices, mostly consisting of obscure small-town Goodwill t-shirts, platform shoes, and two pairs of bootcut jeans that had all but deteriorated from the ankles down. Hemming is a sign of weakness; short power! My favorite shirt in college was a white Budweiser factory button-down so thin I used to avoid standing in sunlight (nowadays, who cares who sees your bra?). I don’t remember the name on the patch, but I remember the joy that shirt brought me—feeling outwardly ironic and confident. This spring, I am keeping my eyes peeled for vintage work shirts and anything with an embroidered name on it. Midlife crisis be damned; I miss my college wardrobe.
Good words
Anyone who can relate to Lara Flynn Boyle’s “big word” orgasms in Andrew Fleming’s semi-autobiographical film, Threesome, will understand this obsession. Nothing is more instantly satisfying to me than my husband slipping a big word into a low-key conversation. Seriously, a downstairs tingle of that magnitude? He might as well have fed me mashed potatoes, called me a slut, and slapped me across the face with a brand-new Stella McCartney handbag. Weird kinks aside, I love words. Sometimes when people bust out a big word in conversation, they keep talking like nothing happened. Meanwhile, I’m stalled out on that word. I have no idea what the rest of the conversation consisted of—I’m still thinking about the word. They say the best way to expand one’s vocabulary is to select one word every day and try to use it as much as possible. I’m not self-disciplined enough to do that. Instead, when I hear a good word in conversation, I immediately jot it down in my Notes app. I have a running list: Saponification. Autopopulate. Necrotic. Ulcerative. Maunder. Betwixt. Codified. Some words aren’t hoity-toity, I just fuckin’ love ‘em: Carnal. Clasp. Toggle. Toothed. Cuckold. Ragweed. Footfalls. Slit. If you are Lara Flynn Boyle or just genuinely fascinated by language, check out this article—a great read for lovers of words.
The Comedy/Crime Genre
Some recipes just work. For me, dark comedy and hilarious criminal hijinks work. In Bruges. Sugar & Spice. Drop Dead Gorgeous. Johnny Stecchino. Bernie. Any Coen Brothers film. Perhaps my love for the dark comedy crime genre has something to do with its shameless yet inevitably bittersweet quality—we know a crime is being committed, we know these characters are far from perfect, but we somehow find ourselves rooting for them. In storytelling, writing likable thieves and lovable con artists is no easy feat—it’s just as fun as it is difficult because you never truly know what an audience is going to find funny or what ironies they’ll take to heart. This spring, I’m looking to expand my love of the light-hearted thriller. Particularly novels. If you have a recommendation for a HILARIOUS novel that is plot-driven, law-breaking, and not a bit shameless in how far it will go to make a reader laugh, hit me up—I want that book.
“Boyfriend” Sleepshirts
Not to sound like complete trash, but I want to look good when I sleep. I want to retire to bed in style without having to forgo comfort. Unfortunately, button-down silk pajama sets don’t work for big-booby ladies like me. I’m still traumatized by the high school sleepover I attended where I wore a pajama set to bed, woke up, rolled over, and had one titty hangin’ out for a good 30 seconds before anyone said anything. Button-down shirts need to be huge or sewn shut if you want me to wear them. Maybe it’s my toxic 90s upbringing, but I live for a good “I stole my boyfriend’s clothes” look. This includes the oversized cotton shirt and waist-rolled boxers, though to be honest, I would opt for one or the other. Never both. Since my husband is flat-chested and wouldn’t be too keen on finding his undershirts stretched out in the boob department, I will be carefully shopping around for the perfect oversized “boyfriend” sleepshirt this spring. Also, saying “boyfriend” is reductive and presumptuous. Girlfriends wearing each other’s clothes to bed—werk. So hot, so sweet. More of that energy in 2024, please.
John Travolta
If you are a millennial, your “legendary” movie stars are aging fast. I ask myself, why are we not celebrating them NOW? Why are we not giving them Oscar-worthy roles to play in their twilight year? (Writers, get it together—start writing badass roles for senior citizens.) For me, Travolta is a legend. A national treasure. Watching Grease is my earliest memory of a “grown-up” film. This realization cued me to rewatch Travolta recently in Pulp Fiction and Urban Cowboy. Is John Travolta a perfect actor? No. Is he an undeniable movie star? Ya damn right. For the love of all, go rewatch your favorite Travolta films and you’ll see what I mean. Give that man the credit he deserves that has somehow fluttered and faded over the last 10-15 years. (Don’t even get me started on how badly I want a Santa musical starring Travolta after watching that Capital One commercial.) Another reason to circle back around to Travolta? By Hollywood standards, he’s a good guy. He’s a triple threat. Oprah loves him. He’s been married forever. He’s a passionate aviator. He has endured the most heartbreaking tragedy a parent could endure. And despite having starred in a slew of iconic films, he only has ONE Golden Globe. Plus, Tom Cruise hates him—how cool is that? John Travolta, you are magnificent. My spring obsession for you is life-long.
12 MUST-WATCH TRAVOLTA FILMS (in no particular order)*
The Boy in the Plastic Bubble
Carrie
Saturday Night Fever
Grease
Urban Cowboy
Blow Out
Pulp Fiction
Face/Off
Look Who’s Talking
Hairspray
Primary Colors
The People vs O.J. Simpson: American Crime Story (series)
*Top 10 was too hard; I had to get to 12.
Mary & GeOrge
The series doesn’t premiere until April 5, but I’m already obsessed. Nothing taps into my radar faster than a sexy, scheming period drama.
GrindR’s YouTube Channel
I feel like this channel is a best-kept secret. I am a loyal RuPaul’s Drag Race fan, and Katya has long since been my favorite queen. If you love Katya (or just conversations about hook-up culture in general), go check out Grindr’s new podcast, Who’s the Asshole, on YouTube. It’s light-hearted, sweet, silly, and sexy in a way that will make you smile. Start with the Orville Peck episode. But also, I didn’t know Grindr had a YouTube channel. After watching some of their content, I was delighted to find that many of their videos aren’t about hook-up culture, but about LGBTQ love and storytelling. Seriously, if you love love, go check out Grindr’s YouTube channel. It’s packed with funny, candid, heart-warming feels.
HONORABLE MENTION
Car Jitsu, film novelization, Japanese signatures, orange-red roses, hair teasing, linguistics, smoky eyes, brown monochrome, One Day, gardenia, Titus Andromedon, Soho Press, body oil trumps lotion, Come Closer, and stretching.
