My 2024 Winter Obsessions

I know its already January, but winter in Texas starts late—

The Celine Anita Bag

There’s always one runway item haunting my mind around holiday season. This year, it was the Anita bag from Celine’s Winter ‘23 collection. Give me ALL the mid-2000s boho revival pieces, I want them NOW. It’s been over 15 years and I’m still thinking about those damn Chanel Spring Summer 2007 round half tint sunglasses that Mary-Kate Olsen wore everywhere (only a mere 1900 dollars on 1stdibs, sold out of course). I don’t know what it is about ginormous unstructured leather purses that cost 5X my mortgage, but if I could opt for a body bag over a coffin, I would surely ask my husband to collaborate with a leatherworker on a 5’3” version of this bag to roll my bloated corpse into, in hopes that I might rot in the lap of Celine luxury for all eternity. Mmmm. Love is dark, love is eternal.

Cinematic Sensuality

If you haven’t noticed, there has been a dynamite uptick in great films lately, particularly films that lean into their seductive, sensual properties. For a long time, cinephiles like me have been asking for a revival of the late 80/early 90s erotic thriller (Fatal Attraction, Basic Instinct, Fear, Bound). I had little hopes that this genre would make a comeback, but some of this year’s best films are giving me hope—not for erotic thrillers necessarily, but a general return to sensuality acting as a centerpiece for film. People argue that “sex sells” but I’ve always thought of it more as “sex bonds”; we all share a common on switch. When the brain registers something as sensuous or sexy, that titillation is often strong enough to keep us interested. To keep us watching. If movie theaters are in financial trouble, why not lean into the allure of sexy films? Whether it’s a twisted tail of fetishized wealthy and beauty like Saltburn or a tender story of desire that leaves a love bruise like All of Us Strangers, I am throwing money at these films right now, giving over to the seduction that I have longed for ever since falling in love with the last line of Eyes Wide Shut: There is something very important we need to do as soon as possible. / What’s that? / Fuck.

Sephora Brand

In the age of viral makeup videos, why the fuck aren’t people talking more about Sephora makeup? I get the allure of packaging (I would own every Charlotte Tilbury product just to stare at it) but Sephora formulas are giving luxury brands a run for their money. LITERALLY. A Rare Beauty shadow stick? $22. A Sephora stick? $14, and the pigment is ::chef’s kiss::. Bitches be walkin past the Sephora shelves like they’re too good for a bargain, but I am here to fiercely endorse Mama Sephora’s products. All of these above products are fabulous, but the standout is hands down the Sephora liquid lipstick in the shade Chili Pepper. If you are a bold red lipstick-slut like me, trust it will not disappoint. It is a must have and matches my Essie “Geranium” nail polish perfectly.

Olivia Palermo

Can we all just admit that The City was better than The Hills and that Olivia Palermo and Kelly Cutrone were the real unsung heroines of those shows? I have long admired Ms. Palermo from afar, my fascination for her not far off from what I felt watching Saltburn. IG stalking Palermo, I am seduced by her aristocratic beauty, fashion, sensuality, and lifestyle in a way that feels both envious and resentful. I know that fabulousness is often skin deep and that true beauty lies in one’s personality, but seriously, HOW is she pulling off that wet Lord Farquaad haircut? And why am I so horny for it? It’s usually her husband that I’m ogling after. Olivia, on behalf of a nation, I am sorry for any internet haters you might have encounter over the years. Whatever you’re doing—no matter how premeditated or not—is working. Keep rockin’ that aloof Upper East Side waif energy; it gives the rest of us permission to feel bougie in our bathroom selfies and oversized $20 Target sunglasses.

Epigraph from Ashley Winstead’s novel, *The Last Housewife*

epigraphs

I live for an appetizer. A shot before dinner. A cube of cheese before a nap. Epigraphs are the canapés of the literary world—a little piece of writing to nibble before diving into a book or poem, typically laced with some sentimental meaning or connective tissue that binds the quote to the novel’s theme(s). My newfound obsession started early last year when I read Taylor Bell’s Dirty Rush, which starts with a transcript of “deranged sorority girl” Rebecca Martinson’s scandalous email to her fellow Delta Gamma sisters that was leaked on the internet in 2013. That preemptive nod to the absurdity of sorority life set the tone of the novel, acting as a permission slip to its reader: You can laugh—this politically-incorrect story is not to be taken seriously. In Matt Bell’s craft book Refuse to Be Done, he offers some swell advice to authors looking to dabble in the dark arts of choosing an epigraph: keep a running list of quotes and text at the beginning of your manuscript—a collection of candidates to narrow down in the future. I took this advice whole-heartedly while writing my most recent manuscript, eventually landing on the perfect epigraph to set the tone for my dark comedy.

Here are some of my favorites epigraphs from last year’s reading:

“Writing a novel is kind of like scaling Mt. Everest and passing by your own bones on the way.” -Karen Russell (From Matt Bell’s Refuse to Be Done)

“I ask this one thing: let me go mad in my own way.” -Sophokles, Elekra (From Julia May Jonas’ Vladimir)

“If you are not a myth whose reality are you? If you are not a reality whose myth are you?” -Sun Ra (From Hanif Abdurraquib’s A Little Devil in America)

“Show me how to do like you. Show me how to do it.” -Stevie Wonder (From Alice Walker’s The Color Purple)

Baroque costume Jewelry circa 1990s

Unless you are a trust fund baby or a scorned woman trying to get back at your ex-spouse by squandered alimony payments, you have no business spending thousands of dollars on vintage Chanel accessories. Instead, do what I do and go scour Etsy—she is FILLED with vintage 90s costume jewelry, all of which are giving 90s Karl Lagerfeld vibes. I have found so many gorgeous Chanel dupes on Etsy, two of which can be seen in the photos above. I desperately want to find something from Joan River’s early jewelry line, but have yet to find a piece that speaks to me with the same shameless vigor that Joan did. RIP, queen.

HONORABLE MENTION
Alexis Brittar campaign ads, curly bangs, Lauren Conrad for Kohl’s, Otessa Moshfegh, Ina Garten’s roast chicken, work shirts with name patches, ergonomics, strawberry makeup, garage bands, and “Art is getting away with it.” -Andy Warhol